Posts tagged please go die

Oh hi there friend. Messaging me on Facebook at 4:00 in the morning, are you? I bet you have one thing on your mind, don’t you? I mean we haven’t spoken in a while, not since that one time we hung out, and that time wasn’t the greatest. You remember, right? You don’t? Well let me enlighten you.

You invited me over to your apartment in the middle of the night knowing full well that I was already mildly intoxicated and that I’d thought of you as totally hot since we met—what, maybe three?—years ago. You would have known this because I’d actually asked you out. You know, on arealdate. I’d asked you out several times over the course of our loose friendship. I was excited to finally hang out with you one-on-one, so I came over. We proceeded to drink more beer, smoke some pot, talk at length, listen to Neko Case, and sorta fall into bed together. There was haphazard kissing, you didn’t seem to be that into it, but we both took off our shirts and pants. It ended with me blowing you. Well, not really. It ended with you falling asleep in the middle of me blowing you. Let me tell you, that’s only happened to me one other time and it was just as annoying and upsetting with you as it was the first time it happened.

You explained the next day, in a rather roundabout and evasive way, that you had some issues to work out and you really weren’t that in to me. I got the message—that I was a drunken and regrettable hookup—and haven’t really talked to you outside of the occasional comment on your statuses on Facebook.

So why are you, when you said before that you didn’t find me attractive and don’t want to date me, now asking me to come over to your apartment? Why are you telling me you threw a party, your friends are gone, and you’re drunk? Why are you asking me to come over and “curl up in bed with you”?

Also, since you’re so interested in me all of a sudden, why haven’t you noticed that I am in a relationship? I suppose since I drunkenly blew you once I’m forever the backup slut? Oh, but only whenyouwant it, of course. Also I’m mad I didn’t get invited to your dumb party. I would have liked to have gone to a party. My night sucked.

Now I just sound petty, and no one likes a petty whore.